My experiment

I lay in bed last night feeling terrible about how annoyed I've been with Madilyn. Our relationship hasn't been at it's best and I'm completely exhausted with her at the end of everyday. As I lay there replaying the events of the day/week, conversations with Madi kept running through my mind... "Come on, let's go! Hustle up! You're gonna be late for school!" "NO, Do NOT change your clothes!" "You are NOT wearing that!" "That looks ridiculous!" "Leave her alone!" "Stop screaming!" "You're SO loud!" "Stop bugging Calvin!" "Get your homework done!" "You have a HUGE mess to clean up!" "You did your E's backwards again."

Wow! It was in that moment, in my bed at night, with unkind nagging words filling my head, that I felt like the worst mom ever. All of a sudden it was clear to me why things haven't been going so well with Madi - I haven't been filling her so called "emotional back account". Ya, I give lots of hugs and kisses, tell her how beautiful she is, read to her, check off her homework, compliment her nice handwriting, feed her, clothe her, bathe her, etc. but all that doesn't amount to much when a large part of my interactions with her haven't been exactly positive. It was then that I decided to consciously make some changes.

So today started my experiment.

My goal: to be positive, spend quality time, look her in eye when she's talking to me, think before I act and/or speak, and LOVE loVE LoVE her!!

Day 1: This morning while doing Madi's hair I asked her, "Do you know how many people love you?" She stopped, smiled, and began naming people. After a few minutes of this game Madi runs of out the room. Then she comes back with her binder, pen in hand, and a piece of paper with "LOVES ME" written at the top. She then proceeded to make a list of people who love her.

It was a great way for her to spend her morning. Much better then bugging Elle or changing her clothes a dozen times. Instead she was happy and busy. After school went much better as well. She and Elle colored together at the counter, so I took that moment to sit down at my computer and check email. But then I heard Madi get out her Bob books and start to read. Instead of enjoying the few moments of peace and quiet (like I normally do), I went in, sat next to Madi, and had her read to me, reminding her of what a great reader she is. My plan was working out quite nicely until I started making dinner (made a new enchilada recipe tonight). It was then that Madi's hyper, out of control, crazy loud behaviors started. Calvin was hysterically crying in one room while Elle kept running to me telling me Madi was scaring her. Madi was dancing around shaking a tin full of coins, reassuring me that it was helping Calvin calm down. Oh boy! I lost my cool for a minute. Luckily Spencer came home just in time.

We ended the night by letting Madi stay up 45 minutes later than Elle and watch home movies from her 1st birthday. It's one of my favorite things to do and such a great reminder of how sweet and innocent these little babes of ours are. I'm pretty sure we're always gonna have struggles with defiant, unruly behavior and I want to make sure that Spencer and I have a plan on how to deal with it and correct it.

So for my sake, I will continue to add updates to this post about things I've had success with.

Day 2 (Feb 9th): While Elle was on a date with Spencer, and Cal napping (a time I'd usually use to get stuff around the house done), I sat down at the counter with Madi to eat a snack. I loved how freely she talked to me about life. Don't even remember our conversation now, but I could feel how happy she was that I was actually sitting on the stool next to her and enjoying her company (something that sadly I rarely do- dinner is the only meal that I (sometimes) sit down for).
Day 3 (Feb 10th) Sunday- made a big deal about how reverent Madi was during primary (which I always do), but then I got down on Madi's level and looked her in the eyes when she told me about what they did in class.
Day 4 (Feb 11th) Day off of school for Madi, so I took the kids to the library. On our way home we stopped by Madi's school (the gate to the playground was open) for her to show us where she play's at recess. She was thrilled to "show us around"! When we got back home, I sat down with the girls (who had just earned 5 chocolate chips each for cleaning up while I layed Cal down for a nap) and read library books for an hour straight (and shocked that I didn't doze off even once)! Then tonight we had our family meeting (were at Boppi and Gpa Al's Sun night for dinner) and Madi set some great goals and really got into our value lesson. She thrives off this kinda stuff!
Day 5 (Feb 12th) Left Madi in charge of some "important jobs" (cleaning up the guest room) while I put Elle and Calvin to bed. I was in Cal's room for a long time (stories and nursing) and Madi kept herself busy the entire time. Many times she likes to come and bug me while I'm getting Calvin off to bed, so I made a really big deal about how responsible she was tonight and how happy it makes me when she chooses the right. Then instead of whisking her off to bed so I could have some much needed "me time", I had her sit on my lap at the computer to check out the forecast for the rest of the week. It's gonna be in the 70's, but mornings are always cooler so we chatted for a bit about what she could wear. Then I talked to her about jobs and earning money (we're not planning on starting our "family economy" until Madi turns 8, but I've been feeling like we need to get something going until then), and what she can do to earn some money for working extra hard and being responsible. I gave her a check register (realizing now that Spencer's probably gonna be ticked that I did this without him), showed her how to record the date, what she did to earn the money, and how much was earned. Then I pulled out a bag of clothes from an afternoon shopping trip and showed her a new long sleeve shirt (that's all Madi wears these days and she's only got 5 of them - most too small for her). I showed her how much it cost me and we talked about how she could earn enough money to buy it from me. Madi was glowing with excitement the entire time. She's such a smart little girl and she really does thrive when I give her added responsibilities.

In our family. . .

One thing I look forward to at the beginning of every month is checking the mail and finding this magazine:

I like to think that my girls get just as excited as I do. We usually get some snacks, snuggle on the couch, and read it cover to cover. I cry at least once while reading it, and the girls are left feeling good and inspired to be better. Just last week I was telling Spencer how anxious I was for "The Friend" to arrive, cause I needed some new reading material to motivate Madi (she's currently in her "hard" stage again). Luckily it arrived the next day! As we were reading, I was pleasantly surprised to find an article on following family rules (a perfect follow-up from our family meeting the previous Sunday)! So this week at our family meeting, we complied a list of "DO" and "DO NOT" rules. This whole thing is definitely a work in progress, but it has been nice not to have to yell at the girls to, "stay at the table", or "don't scream in the house"! Instead, I simply say, "In our family we don't scream in the house!" or "In our family we have good table manners".

With that said, here's the start of our DO / DO NOT list that we created Sunday:
In our family we DON'T. . .
- scare each other (there's been an issue with Madi scaring Elle)
- scream in the house (again, Madi... she's also got an extra loud voice these days)
- hit each other (one of the girls must have added this one but I promise it's not Spencer or I who have been doing the hitting!)
- jump on the couch
- draw on the couch, table, floor, or any other piece of furniture (another issue we had with Madi)
- say mean things
- have sleep-overs (it's so much better to have the child tell their friend, "In my family we don't have sleep-overs", than have the mom be the bearer of bad news)

DO
In our family we. . .
- sing (added by me- I'm determined to have a family of singers)
- love each other
- keep the Sabbath day holy
- go to the beach (at the end of last summer Madi started putting up a stink about going to the beach too much. Spencer quickly squelched her complaints and coined the phrase, "we are a beach family")
- jump on the trampoline (instead of the couch:)
- keep our house clean and orderly
- have good table manners (this was Spencer's - he goes crazy with the girls getting down from their seats before being excused, not eating much, and complaining about all their food.)
- pray and read the scriptures every day
- serve each other
- look out for one another
- share
- tell the truth

All these rules will eventually be simplified down to a few basic ones, and we still need to come up with consequences for breaking and/or incentives for obeying. Again, a work in progress!

Family Meeting

After several weeks of being annoyed with my children and all their constant demanding requests, I pulled out a book I've been wanting to read for months now - The Entitlement Trap! I needed help and I was hoping this book could give me some sort of start. It's a fabulous book and totally got me motivated within the first chapter. But actually, chapter 3 is really what got me excited! They started talking about family roots, then family traditions, which then led to the family "infrastructure". They stressed how kids start to feel a sense of ownership and equity in the family as they participate in creating a family infrastructure of family symbols, traditions, laws, meetings, and mission statements. I loved it! It all seemed to fit so well with my personality and the type of family environment that I hope to have in our home. On Saturday (while Cal napped and the girls were on a date with Spencer), I sat out in the warm afternoon sun and created an agenda for our first family meeting.  I was excited and could barely wait to begin. We decided on Sunday evenings as our official weekly family meeting time (ignore the date on my agenda- I had typed it up on Saturday).

On Sunday evening, with my agenda all neatly organized in our new "family meetings" binder, we gathered around the kitchen table and started with a song and prayer. Then I posed a question- "I love my family because..." When I was teaching school, I held weekly class meetings and I always started my meetings by asking a question. Then we'd go around the circle and each student would fill in their answer. I thought this would be a good way to start our family meetings as well. But instead of just saying their answer, I let everyone draw a picture of their answer. I like how Spencer used his paper to take notes of our meeting, but I think having the paper distracted the girls a bit, so we might be changing it up.

After the sentence completer, I went into our schedule for the week. I'm sure this part of the meeting will one day be longer and more involved once our kids are older and have more going on, but for now it was short and sweet and mostly just for Spencer and I.

Next, I posed upcoming family plans/goals. I was thinking the girls would want to plan some sort of fun future trip, daddy/daughter date, or vacation, but instead Madi requested another walking field trip to Vons (our local grocery store that her class just took a walking field trip to), and Elle chimed in about also wanting to go to Vons and get a cookie (which we did the very next day)!

I loved the idea of a "gripe session" and I was interested to hear what problems and/or concerns Madi and Elle would want to talk about. Madi was the first to respond and didn't skip a beat in coming up with an answer. She told us how she wanted to do away with the term "time-out" and just call it "quiet time" instead. Elle quickly agreed. Now I just have to be good about remembering (I've already slipped and used the T.O. term this week). As for Spencer's gripe - he requested better behavior in pubic. I gripped about the messes the girls create.

This all led perfectly into the introduction of a new friend, "Mr Gunny" (another idea mentioned in the book). And so far it's been fabulous! Spencer and I had tried a version of this idea with just getting a garbage bag to collect any toys and clothes left out, and making the girls do jobs to earn their items back. But for some reason it didn't work as well as the Gunny bag idea has already worked. We introduced Mr. Gunny by showing them Spencer's big old laundry bag (back from the college days) that he'd drawn a scary face and teeth on. We told the girls that Mr Gunny lives out in the garage, but comes in when he's hungry to eat all the toys and clothes left out of place. Then on Saturday he comes in to regurgitate ("spit up" as the girls call it) and they'll be able to get back all their beloved belongings and put them away before Mr. Gunny eats it again. I think this idea is gonna be a keeper. Actually, the girls are quite scared of Mr. Gunny. Tonight I might have made a few growling noises to let the girls know they'd better hurry and get everything picked up. I guess my little noises seemed pretty real, cause even Madi freaked and told Elle how now she knows he's real. And what a kick I got out of seeing them run around like crazy cleaning up! Saturday's gonna be a sweet day when Mr. Gunny spits out Madi's journal and Elle's "Red Baby" (that unfortunately got eaten up before they were put away)! Hopefully the girls will start to remember to put their special items back in their special spots from now on!

Somewhere in between our gripe session and the introduction of Mr. Gunny, we got into creating family laws and coming up with secret codes to remind us of our family laws/rules.

We probably covered way too much for our first family meeting. There's just so much I want to implement (and fast). I've felt like the biggest grouch lately and some changes need to be happening in our home before I loose my mind! I am very excited about this new family tradition of holding weekly family meetings. Madi also commented about being excited and looking forward to our next meeting (her grouchy face is only because Mr. Gunny had just eaten her journal).

10 months

It's crazy how much changes in just one month. At the beginning of the month Cal had just started crawling and was only pulling up to his knees. Now he's everywhere and into everything! Most days it's no big deal. I only get a little annoyed when I'm in the middle of a project or trying to get stuff picked up and he's grabbing and shoving into his mouth faster than I can clean up. He loves to crawl into his sister's room and rip pictures off their door. I vacumn at least once a day and am constantly on the girls with keeping their things picked up (especially Elle's little dollhouse accessories).  To be totally honest though, Cal's not as active as most (I worried about having a crazy boy :). I baby-sat Cal's little buddy the other day and realized how calm and mellow Cal is. He really is pretty chill and just likes to be with us. He actually hates being left in the room alone and gets pretty upset about it. He's a social little guy- likes to be with people, likes to be held, likes meeting little friends his age, and just likes to be in on the action.

Other things to document from his 9th month:

* Started clapping
* Started cutting food into small bites- not as much grinding it up anymore
* Pulls up on everything
* Got sick- several nights of fevers
* Not nursing as much - my milk supply is not what it used to be and I've had to supplement. Cal would drink the pre-made bottles of Similac that the hospital had given us, but he finished off the last one this month and he refuses to drink regular formula. It's super frustrating especially now that I don't have enough milk for him.

* Cal continues to love his books and story time. Only downside is that his bedtime routine ends up taking a super long time. It's one of those love/hate things. I love that Cal will sit quietly and listen to a good 6 or 7 stories at a time and I want to encourage his love of books, but I'm not able to spend that kind of time every nap and bedtime. Luckily Spencer usually takes over in the evening and looks forward his reading/playtime with Cal. And recently I started letting Elle take over. I ended up whipping out the video camera the first night cause it was just so darn cute! She had him laughing hysterically over The Very Hungry Caterpillar!

My baby is growing up way too fast. So naturally I cherish pictures where he still looks like a baby. . . 

Cause most pictures he seems like such a big boy- already developing opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes.

Have I mentioned how much we love our little guy!?!

It's been a fabulous 10 months!

Martin Luther King, In Madi's words. . .

I loved hearing Madi's insight about her day off of school today...

Madi: "We're gonna celebrate Matin Luther King's birthday by not going to school!"
Me: "What's so special about Martin Luther King?" (said in no way to discredit MLK, but rather just as a probing question)
Madi: "He made changes around the world."
Me: "What kind of changes did he make?"
Madi: "Before the changes happened, people with brown skin had to sit in the back of the bus. And the people couldn't go to the same drinking fountain.... But after the changes happened, all the people got to sit wherever they wanted on the bus, and the people could go to the same drinking fountain if they wanted. They also couldn't go to the same school. If they had black skin they had to go to the black skin school. If they had white skin they had to go to the white skin school. If they had brown skin, they had to go to the brown skin school.... before the changes. Then after the changes, if they had brown skin, they could go to the white skin school."
Me: "So Martin Luther King's a pretty good guy huh?!"
Madi: "Ya."

A few things we did this weekend:
Saturday- Hit up our favorite beach in Carpinteria with mom, dad, and the Booras' (who were in town visiting for the weekend). After relaxing in the heavenly 70 degree sunshine for an hour or so, we walked down the road to another favorite - Padaro Beach Grill. Practically a perfect day!

Calvin and Grandpa Al trading hats!

I never tire of watching my girls play in the sand and water. I look forward to when Cal will join in!

Just past our table is a huge sandbox full of toys that the girls love to play in when they're done eating! Best place to eat out with kids!

Sunday- Spencer wasn't feeling great. He made it to his 7am meetings, but then got back in bed as soon as he got home. Thought it best he stay home from church. The girls and I left at noon to get the primary room all set up, leaving Cal home to take care of his daddy! After church we headed over to Boppi and Grandpa Al's for a delicious dinner! So nice not to have to worry about cooking - especially since the girls and I didn't get home from church until 4:30pm. Thanks mom and dad!

Monday was the warmest day of the weekend. I was itching to get out and do something, but Spencer was still feeling crummy. To be totally honest, I have little to no sympathy for sickness (I know that sounds terrible but it's just how I was raised- to be tough and suck it up) so I suggested taking the girls (with all their energy, loudness, and mess making abilities) and getting out of Spencer's hair. Not sure he was thrilled with the idea, but I'd gotten a text from Lindsey (who had just gotten to Silverstrand) saying it was perfect out at the beach. Spencer reluctantly agreed to stay home with Calvin (again). I quickly made some sandwiches, loaded up a chair, some towels, and beach toys and we were on our way! I did feel a bit of quilt for leaving, and thought it maybe a little selfish,  but today was exactly what I needed! I never get to take my girls out on dates (every week they both get individual dates with their dad and I'm the one who stays home). So today my girls and I lived it up! We played for 2 hours in the 80 degree sunshine (my car said it was 87 when we left), and then hit up Costco for ice cream (and a few other items) on our way home. Big thanks to my fabulous husband for giving me this relaxing day to chat with friends, splash in the ocean with my girls, and lay out in the glorious sun! Feeling totally energized, rejuvenated, and quite a bit tanner!

L-R: Easton, Elle, Cruz (a new friend that Elle had a blast playing with), Brooklyn, and Madi

Celebrations, goals, and the New Year!

I know I've totally done my fair share of whining about the loss of all (well... 500) of my pictures, but I should take a sec to say how totally awesome my computer is working now! After Bobby reformatted my hard drive (1st thing to help speed up my ancient computer), we went ahead and got new RAM. I went from 1 GB to 4 GB (2nd awesome thing)!! Then we upgraded my operating system to Snow Leopard (3rd awesome thing)! With an upgraded operating system I was also able to get Lightroom 4 installed on my computer (an added plus:)! What a wonderful thing it is to have multiple applications open at the same time, and be able to jump from one project to the next at lightning speed! Great big thank you to my computer nerd brother Bob who helped make all this possible! Totally worth the loss of a few pictures. I feel like I've been given a brand new computer!

Along with celebrating my "new" computer, I wanted to officially ring in 2013 (now that January's almost over). 2012 was a good year to us - with much to celebrate! Truthfully, the year flew by faster than any other (which I'm hoping isn't the new norm - I really need time to start slowing down). Welcoming Calvin into the family was the biggest event of the year for me. He's been a huge blessing in our family! While some days feel like a juggling act, I really have tried my hardest to figure out my weaknesses as a mom and (attempt to) strengthen them.

In 2012 one of my goals was to be a better cook. I don't enjoy it. I don't like messes and I start to freak out when more than 2 pots are on the stove at the same time. So after eating our same standard meals (chicken and broccoli, hawaiian haystacks, enchiladas, orange chicken, and quesadillas) week after week, Spencer and I together decided that it was time to branch out and try some new recipes. I'm definitely not one to read cookbooks and get excited about something I've never made, never tasted, and not quite sure how it will turn out (but I sure do love and admire those friends of mine who do this :). So I started simple. I turned to a new cookbook of mine - Our Best Bites (you might have heard of their blog) and had Spencer hand pick the stuff he wanted to try. He was kind and stuck to ones that looked rather easy. Then I plugged his picks into our weekly menu. Our Sunday night weekly menu planning was the trick for me. If I had meals scheduled for each day of the week I would make them, but if we forgot to menu plan, I found myself reverting back to my old ways (I'd rather have someone tell me exactly what to make than have to decide on my own). With a plan in hand, I'd go shopping on Monday and then not need to stress the rest of the week about not having key ingredients. At first I did just one new recipe a week - but then there were so many great side dishes and rollover ingredients in the cookbook that it was almost easy to throw in something new here and there. It felt good to try new things and have Spencer excited about a meal.

Unfortunately... we've had a couple busy months and I haven't done much "new" cooking since before Thanksgiving! Wow just typing that makes me feel guilty! So... new goal: get back into menu planning! And I'm actually kind of excited cause Lindsay gave us the new Best Bites cookbook for Christmas (Savoring the Seasons)! And I tell ya, everything in these cookbooks is delish!!

I actually have something else I've been working on. For this post I'll call it goal #2. I have a tendancy of becoming stressed out rather easily (especially when my dramatic, crying, fighting kids are involved). And when I get stressed out it's much easier for me to loose my patience with the kids. It drives me crazy that I'm like this and I honestly try my hardest to find ways to calm down, relax, not worry about the little things, etc etc. But I know it's part of my personality and I know I will always have to make a conscious effort in this area. So with that said, my goal this year is to be slow to anger, quick to love, and leave emotion out of discipline.

I love these babes of mine so incredibly much and I so hope I can set a good example for them and be such a good mama.

Champ of the Month

Today Madi was recognized at her school's Citizenship Awards Assembly! She received the CHAMP of the Month Award for being a good citizen and always following the school and classroom rules!

Way to GO Madi!!! We're so proud of you for always making good choices and following the rules!

Spencer went into work a bit late so that he could be there for it. How fun it was to see Madi's face when she walked in and saw us sitting in the back seats of the gym! Spencer had to take off right after Madi was recognized, so we didn't get a picture with her after the assembly. So naturally I made her pose with her daddy as soon as he got home from work (notice how light it still is- Spence got home at 4:15 today!)

Since today was also Elle's half birthday (ya, I'm a dork and like to make a big deal about things like that) we made it an extra special day. Being a Thursday, I was scheduled to work in Madi's classroom. So after centers, I checked Madi out of school to join Elle, Calvin, and I for lunch. We went to the park, played for a bit, but then decided to forgo the picnic lunch since it was so stinkin windy and ate at home instead. Then this evening Elle helped me make pink cupcakes to celebrate!!

Aunts and Uncles

Over Christmas break the kids were able to see 4 of their aunts and 4 of their uncles. Pretty much all of the pictures I'd taken were lost in the reformating of my hard drive, so naturally I was thrilled to find these gems left on my camera. . .

Jocelyn and Michael's last night in Camarillo - they chose to come hang out with us! We love you Aunt Joci and Uncle Michael! Thanks for a fun visit!

Bobby and Amy drove down from Monterey, arriving the night of January 3rd. They stayed and played for 2 days before heading back to Provo. We hit up the beach on Friday followed by fish and chips at Andria's afterwards. Aunt Amy and Uncle Bobby are so silly. . .

We've taken this picture many a time down at the harbor, but I just loved both girls sweet smiles here. .

Deleted pictures I remember, loved, and wish I had:

- Aunt Joci on the trampoline with my girls, and then with all the kids (including cousin Bailey)

-Aunt Karlee and Uncle Jeremy pushing the girls on the swing set at our condo in Monterey with a view of the ocean in the distance.

-Aunt Amy snuggled with the girls on the bed, reading stories before bedtime

My kids are lucky to have some pretty fabulous aunt and uncles! It's no lie that one of my favorite things is having my kids adored by their aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I so loved reading this sweet post Karlee had typed up on her blog. Oh, and this post too! We love you Aunt Karlee!